Large Birds, Spiders And Momtwo And A Half Men ... -

“Thanks, Mom,” Charlie muttered, pouring a double. “I guess there’s always a bigger predator in the room.”

The doorbell rang. It wasn’t the date. It was . Large Birds, Spiders and MomTwo and a Half Men ...

“It’s a majestic creature of the sky, Charlie! And the spider is just a misunderstood arachnid,” Alan chirped, adjusting his beige windbreaker. “Besides, I’ve named the bird 'Freedom' and the spider 'Leggsy.'” “Thanks, Mom,” Charlie muttered, pouring a double

“There,” Evelyn said, turning around with a sharp smile. “Even Mother Nature knows better than to overstay her welcome in my presence.” It was

Perched on the railing was a the size of a small aircraft. Next to it, a massive Tarantula —likely a runaway from a neighbor’s exotic collection—was casually making its way toward Charlie’s discarded sandwich.

The condor immediately took flight in terror. The spider curled into a ball and rolled off the deck into the sand.

“I don’t care if you named them 'The Pointer Sisters,' get them off my deck! I have a date coming over in twenty minutes and ‘Death by Nature’ isn't the vibe I’m going for.”