Shigure_ui_[loveho_date_hen_full_version].mp4 -

Kenji sat back in his chair, exhausted but smiling. It wasn't the date the file title had promised, but it was the most authentically Shigure Ui video he had ever seen. He closed the media player, opened his own drawing software, and got to work. After all, Ui-mama had taught him well.

With a mix of intense curiosity and profound dread, Kenji double-clicked the file. Shigure_Ui_[Loveho_Date_Hen_Full_Version].mp4

By the end of the video, Kenji hadn't received a single cute anime trope or sweet confession. Instead, he had unironically learned the fundamentals of independent contractor tax deductions in Japan and the most efficient way to render digital foliage. Kenji sat back in his chair, exhausted but smiling

Whenever the video reached a moment where it seemed like it might get soft or romantic, Ui would aggressively break the fourth wall. She would point her stylus at the screen and say things like, "Why are you blushing? The only thing getting hot in here is my graphics card because I forgot to turn on the AC." Or, "Don't look at me like that. Focus on column B of the expense report, or we are never getting out of here." After all, Ui-mama had taught him well

"We are going to file my corporate taxes," she announced, pulling up a massive, terrifyingly complex digital spreadsheet. "And after that, you get the absolute privilege of cleaning up the line art on a 50-page background project that my assistant didn't finish. Isn't this the most thrilling date you've ever been on?"

As the video faded to black, a final drawing appeared on screen. It was a custom illustration of Ui wearing a smug, victorious smile, holding a sign that read: Go touch some grass.